Keeping One Eye out for Nob Street Art and Nobject Trouvé

Friday, November 30

Shrigley Schlong

Welcome Nobwatchers to the Final Day of NobVember!

As a finale treat here is a nob drawn by the Nobservatory's favourite contemporary artist, David Shrigley, who sportingly conceded to draw a dong in a Nobservatory representative's volume at a book signing. What a dude.

If you've enjoyed NobVember, don't forget to donate some pennies on our just giving page in aid of Prostate Cancer UK!

JustGiving - Sponsor me now!

Thursday, November 29


At the nobservatory, we've been keeping one eye open for so long - everything is starting to look a bit erect. This parapraxis phenomenon we call an Optinob.

To see if you've been effected - check the visual test below 

Don't see a nob, then you're doing ok.

Tuesday, November 27

Juicy Sausage Aid

Prick with a Fork!, A fun way to get some Hot Pork on the Barbie...  
A Tool every Nobserver should have for their BBQ Summer.

JustGiving - Sponsor me now!
Raising money for Prostate Cancer UK

Monday, November 26

Unfortunate Signage

When Signs go Bad!

One from across the Pond, observed on a field trip to Seattle.

Some expert alignment of text.

Sunday, November 25


Prof Belle Ennde and Dr Fannie Magnét ( of the Nobservatory, Carlisle ) discover a whopper down in the bowels of the city on a recent field trip to Yorkshire. A fine example of the reductive aesthetic of nobart, drawn at large scale for the audience to ponder its minimal concept.  Thankfully, the nobartist's statement of intent is nearby.

Saturday, November 24

A Typical Night out at Christkindelmarkt

Christkindemarkt, the seasonal and traditional purveyors of pork, nuts and entertaining cocks.
Head on down for a Sausage fuelled night!

Friday, November 23

Monkey Nuts

In honour of the Monkey Buffet Festival taking place today in Lobpuri Province,Thailand, NWUK presents this cheeky chappie; Monkey Nuts -swinging into the viewer's concious eye, springing from the dense cover of the urban jungle! This penile primate is the alpha male of the wall!

Thursday, November 22

Nouveau Nob

A modern take on a classic design - a prototypical boner framework etched unusually in a livid tangerine shade. Nobservatory staff have expressed concerns over the nobartist's wellbeing - from whence has s/he gleaned inspiration? Such dramatic colouring and the ominous addition of red blemishes along the shaft has led experts to believe that this mysterious scribbler could be suffering for their art more than one would care to imagine.

Wednesday, November 21

Where's Willy?

Can you spot the sly addition of a dong in this picture? The Nobartists once more prove themselves the unchallengeable masters of subtlety.

Tuesday, November 20

Dong de la Revolucion

For Mexican Revolution Day...Viva La Revolution....  this nobby chum can take a beating!

Monday, November 19

Pierrot Prong

Here the Nobartist use to great effect, the lamp post - as the sad little Pierrot Prong ascends the pole, a visual statement of  Working class people, struggling, sometimes tragically, to secure a place up high in the bourgeois world.

Sunday, November 18

Chandelier Nob

A lovely way to brighten your hallway...
this custom design Hans Van Bentem did the rounds on craiglist a while ago,
as cultured as we are at the Nobservatory - this is one is definitely on our Christmas List.

Saturday, November 17

Dong Decking

Hail next summer's must-have garden accessory - Dong Decking. The Nobservatory staff will certainly be Keeping One Eye Out from this stylish number come the end of winter...

Friday, November 16

Coffee Cock

Stolen from Facebook, this wonderful image illustrates a rare occasion when a Nobartist has put his name to his work. Here James is clearly marking out his hot beverage-territory using his signature doodle dong. The Nobservatory likes the reaffirmation of the informative "Penis" sign. Good work James - the Nobservatory salutes you!

Thursday, November 15

Week 2 - Nob-o-meter

It's our second week into Nobvember - let us see how much we have raised so far for Prostate Cancer UK.

Send your pennies to and see how much we can raise by the end of the Nobvember,

each £1 will make Nobert a 1cm Higher

Thanks from the Nobservatory

you can donate anonymously too!

Tesla's Testicles

It's been a while since a Big Green Wanger from Outer Space has been nobserved on the streets. This diagrammatical chappy, with its veiny Lightning bolts allude to a RayGun Cock of devastating power in a potential upcoming invasion. We speculate they are being built under our feet right now, fully utilising Tesla's Teleforce particle beam ejeculator.

Jonathan Thomas

Wednesday, November 14

Dong Energy

As part of NobVember's national recycling week special feature, here's just the thing to perk up that mid week malaise! This image was captured on the Nobservatory's all-expenses-paid-academic-research jolly in Copenhagen. The Danes - they have Dong Energy.

Tuesday, November 13



Prof. Belle Ennde

For decades prudish anthropologists have speculated coyly about the purpose and origin of Aboriginal nobart. 

Mountford (1960, p. 81) recalls soberly how “a number of representations of human penes have found their way into various museum collections” while shy Campbell (1921, p. 145) refers to them as “secret articles.. or representations of the male organs of generation”.

The skilful indigenes of Australia Have long been producing wonderful dongs from stone, wood, clay and wax, but not telling anyone why. This has naturally unnerved the poor anthropologists who have been digging them up left, right and centre. The sharp eyed Balfour, records Mountford (1960, p. 81) uncovered what he believed to be a natural stone in the shape of a cock, but which the Nobservatory now suspects was an example of nobart left in wait for him by a sniggering artist. 
Various lines of speculation have been put forward by the learned Nobservers. Mountford (1960, p. 81) asserts “existing evidence suggests that these phallic objects are probably linked with some mythical beings” having been assured by various antipodean dwellers that a ritual involving gently striking the legendary cock of Borolo-Borolo actually improves ones eyesight, as opposed to the accepted European standard of “if you play with it, you’ll go blind”.  


Mountford, C. P. "Phallic Objects of the Australian Aborigines" Man vol. 60 The Royal Anthropological Institute of Great Britain  and Ireland, 1960 [04/ 04/ 2012]

Campbell, D "A Description of Certain Phallic Articles of the Australian Aborigines" Man vol. 21 The Royal Anthropological Institute of Great Britain and Ireland, 1921 [04/ 04/ 2012]

Monday, November 12

Recycled Nob

To herald the start of National Recycle Week - here's a wonderful flaccid wanger on the side of a recycle bin. The Nobartist's scathing social commentary is evident in the angle of the droop, drawing the viewer's eye to the pile of discarded litter it is impotent to prevent.
Remember, dear NobWatchers! Don't be trashy - Recycle!

Sunday, November 11


Behold the mighty Bone!

Bone's diabolically fretted shaft protrudes darkly from the tri-tonal composition, a drone of dissonance from its burnt sienna background.

Saturday, November 10

One Eye on the Ball

A new take on Heading the Ball. This risky manoeuvre out on the field could earn a referee booking for a Maradona - esque Wang of god.

Friday, November 9

Winding up to the weekend with...

...DJ Sprain!*

*The Nobservatory has no idea who or what DJ Sprain is. None whatsoever.

Followers of the Nobservatory have suggested some tracks for his set...

Take your nob out all night- Scissor Sisters
I'd do anything for nob (but I won't do that) - Meatloaf
Don't take your nob to town - Kenny Rogers
Smells like teen nob - Nirvana 
Nob - Justin Bieber
How Deep is your Nob - Take That
Nob Off - Prince
Reach For The Nob - S-Club 7 
Quit playing games with my Nob - Back Street Boys
(Keep it of) my nob - Soundgarden
I need a Nob - Bonny Tyler

continue to play the game on facebook or twitter -  #nobsong

Thursday, November 8

Week 1 - Nob-o-meter

It's our first week into Nobvember - let us see how much we have raised so far for Prostate Cancer UK.

Send your pennies to and see how much we can raise by the end of the Nobvember,

Thanks from the Nobservatory

you can donate anonymously too!

Tesselated Todgers

Exquisite enough for the Palace at Alhambra! One eye travels up the screen drawn by the thousands of tiny erect tinkles, painstakingly crafted to perfection. The sweeping curves of the bollocks provide balance and harmony to the facade.

Wednesday, November 7

All Seeing Eye

This geometric chubster was nobserved recently on our streets,
then several days later witnessed again...

our furtive imagination believes it is a new cultish icon arising, a new All Seeing One Eye... is it a New World Order - 'Nobus ordo Scrotum'?

here's our wild Speculation of what the Illuminob could look like on a One Dollar Bill

Just watch out for the mysterious "Handshake" between secret members...


Our First Post of NobVember - Raising money for Prostate Cancer UK
JustGiving - Sponsor me now!

Tuesday, November 6

Nob or Not - Reader's Pole

Experts at the Nobservatory are baffled by these mysterious etchings...
Nobwatchers! We concede defeat and leave the classification of this dong to your superior expertise!

Is it...
  1. A Trouser Snake? 
  2. A Smiley One Eyed Worm?
  3. A Tool Shed?
  4. None of the Above?
Go visit The Noberservatory's facebook page to log your answers... 

Monday, November 5

Pocket Rocket

A TV firework nob from the trailer for the well respected social-commentary documentary - Geordie Shore.

Happy Bonfire Night from the Nobservatory...  make sure you stay safe tonight and keep one eye out for hedgehogs in your piles.

Sunday, November 4

Willy the Whisp

Willy the Whisp or Willi Fatuus is the name given to the ghostly cock-like etchings that can be found around the workplace. They appear as usually flaccid todgers. Their presence is, alas, fleeting. Within a few days at most the Willy is scrubbed away, only a fuzzy,ethereal outline attesting to it ever having existed.

Saturday, November 3

waldsen grannies

Well, those feisty old-timers have been out and at it again! The Nobservatory was excited to receive this fantastic dong tag by the famously elusive Nobart circle, the Walsden Grannies.
The dong carries a note of searing invective aimed at the 'Youf of today' - its clean lines berating the perceived decline in the noble art of nob drawing. Stridently erect, it rails at the latest fad of flaccid cocks...  It wasn't like that in their day!

Friday, November 2

Percy's Pick of the Crop competition...

Percy would love your pictures of humorous veg for his PhD study
- "The Phallic Nature of Vegatables" - supervised by Prof. Belle Ende ....
The best will make it to the Pick of the Crop in a few weeks time.
There will be no prize due to government cuts at the Nobservatory, but be smug
in the knowledge that you are aiding the world of food science.

you can email them to

or send a link via the comments below, or our Twitter Feed @NobwatchUK

Phallus Drewesii

Ahhh, foraging season, my absolute favourite time of the year!
The must-find shroom for all you foodies out there is this, the wonderful Phallus Drewesii mushroom. Highly prized in super nobby restaurants, this stinky horn  goes perfectly with hot pork, beef injections and steaktubes.

Percy Grower

Thursday, November 1

Turtle's Neck

WELCOME NOBWATCHERS to the fantastic charity fundraiser NOBVEMBER!
The brainchild of the Nobservatory's brightest sparks, NobVember is the glabrous alternative to the popular Mo'vember - giving the opportunity for involvement to those who can't, or simply don't want to, grow a mo'.
During the month of NobVember, the Nobservatory will be aiming to release a different comedy dong for your delectation every day. So follow us on Twitter, join the Nobservatory on Facebook, spam us like mad to your mates and colleagues, snigger (in a slightly lewd manner) and above all SPONSOR US. It's going to be a wild ride!

And to kick start the extravaganza, we are proud to present the Nobservatory's uniform piece of choice for the month - the Turtle's Neck shirt....

New for NobVember, this season's must have: The Turtle's Neck shirt.
100% Polyester, details include: a flaccid accidental dong, matching collar and cuffs and contrast piping around the... pipe.  Wear with heels and straight leg trousers for the executive look and show them exactly who has the balls in the boardroom!

Turtle's Neck* available to purchase from ASOS

*Not it's real name